What does it mean to “grow up”? The question should haunt all parents, and all those who have the task of accompanying children on their path to adulthood. However, it is rarely asked. Why ? Perhaps, answers the American philosopher Susan Neiman , because the fear of growing up hides the fear of aging, which itself hides the fear of dying, that is to say, paradoxically, the fear of living!
In a society fascinated by images of youth, a double fight against our “reluctance to grow up” is then necessary. This fight, Susan Neiman resolutely and courageously commits to it in a book that every educator should read, and whose Premier Parallèle editions have been offering a translation since September 2, 2021. Subtitled Praise of adulthood in an era which infantilizes us , his reflection aims to show the reality of “growing up”, as an ineluctable process for human life, and its legitimacy, as an inescapable objective of educational action. Because growing up is at the same time an indisputable fact; and an ideal, “which deserves to be harnessed”.
In this book which “wants to be useful”, the philosopher intends to show what it means to “mature as it should”, in order to be able to say how one can “intelligently accompany a life”. Its subject is the same as that of Emile or Education , of Rousseau , “the only philosophical work entirely devoted to the fact of growing up”, she believes.
A necessity to accept
The book reminds us that, because of human incompleteness, growing up is a fundamental necessity. We are born completely destitute, and our survival depends on a whole series of conquests (cognitive, motor, emotional, and social) which take place not only during childhood and adolescence, but throughout life. . The “process” that makes everyone a (fully) human being is “a process that never ends”. The child is in this sense “the living affirmation of human transcendence”, in the words of Simone de Beauvoir, by bringing something radically new, and by never being reducible to what he is at a given moment. determined. If one does not accept to recognize the immediate positivity of “growing up”, it is often because one refuses the impoverishment and the shrinking which would be the mark of “adulthood”. But we must distinguish between lucidity and resignation. To be an adult is not to resign yourself to a narrow life, and of less interest. One must accept the uncertainties, and give up certain dreams, leaving the world of the illusory for that of self-realization. Certainly old age is on the horizon for the best life in the world, and it has often been seen as a shipwreck. But it can have “sparkle”, and “humanity, creativity and self-development continues, beyond flops, falls, excesses and mistakes”.Social mechanisms of infantilization
However, the question “what’s the point of growing up?” Arises in a cruel way if one takes into account what Susan Neiman calls “the conceptual horror of our world”, in other words the negativity of a time when neo-liberalism triumphed. Because “the social structures in which we operate are designed so that we remain childish”. We would like to know more about the mechanisms that keep us in the alienation of immaturity, and make us wade through “the swamps of adolescence”. These mechanisms “intended to infantilize the subjects” are now “more subtle but not less powerful, and certainly more invasive” than the feudal-type mechanisms. It is not sure that it is enough to designate the state, which would like to prevent us from “thinking independently”, and the dominant culture, “which does not want adults”.A chasm between ideal and reality
It is not enough to want to grow, and to have the opportunity to do so. You still have to know how to go about it. One of the great merits of Suzan Neiman’s book is to provide concrete answers, by proposing, and by carefully describing, three privileged paths to “become an adult”, namely education, travel, and work. . The pages devoted to these three avenues offer analyzes as in-depth as they are fascinating, on the education crisis, the difficulty of being a parent, the importance of reading, the dangers of the Internet and screens, the interest and the inconveniences of travel, the future of work; and allow the author to clarify his critique of neoliberal economics. But before (or, at the very least, thanks to these three “experiences”), in order to grow up, it is necessary to have experienced the “chasm” or the “gap” which, at the same time, separates and unites, real and ideal. We must “recognize the abyss that separates ‘is’ from ‘should be’ while trying to preserve each of these two modes.”
Education, travel and work are three ways to grow. Shutterstock
